We are excited to introduce you to inspirational mom of two, Serena Norr of Brooklyn, NY.  In addition to raising two beautiful daughters, Serena is the Managing Editor of Momtrends and the Brooklyn Community Manager of Red Rover Brooklyn. She is also the founder of Seriously Soupy, an all soup website and the blog Mama Goes Natural.

YP2:  Please introduce us to your kids.

SN:   I have two daughters – ages 5 and 22 months.

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different? What has been the most surprising thing about that for you?  The most challenging?

SN:  This is really interesting because I noticed this right away. My older daughter has always been a little shy and scared of everything from dogs to new people. But my second daughter has been the complete opposite. She smiles at everyone that she sees and she adores animals – getting right to their mouth to want to pet them. My older daughter was also really into books as a toddler and would sit with a stack of them recite the pages; whereas my younger daughter doesn’t like to be read to and snatches books from my hand when I try.

YP2:  How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?

SN:  This has been a long process that started when I told her I was pregnant when she was 3. She didn’t quite understand the concept but she loved the idea of being a big sister. Once her little sister arrived I saw a shift in her world – from it being all about her – to being about the baby and our new family of 4. I was really worried about that and at times I think we are still going through the adjustment of having there be a shift in the attention being all about her. It seems that the older one wants the younger one to grow up quicker so that they can play together, and my younger one just wants to be around the older one whenever she can.

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid?  Your baby?  Your partner? Yourself?

SN: This is challenging and is different depending on what our scdules are like. For my older daughter, I try to take her on special dates like to a show or movie every now and again. For the baby, I have time with her when the older one is at school. I take her to different sing-alongs and an art class where it is just about her and not us shuffling around to get through the day. With my husband, we try to go on date nights as much as we can. We are a lot more tired than with the first,but we have a babysitter now so it helps to get out when we can. We like to go out to dinner, movies or plays.

YP2:  Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging than it was after your first?  Was it easier?  Any words of wisdom here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the workplace after baby #2?

SN: When I was home from maternity leave, I was dreading going back to work at my full-time office job (same thing happened to me with my first daughter). Before I was pregnant, I was freelancing for Momtrends, a national website that provides tips and insight to living a fashionable life, and around that time Nicole Feliciano (founder of Momtrends) was expanding her business and asked me to be the Managing Editor website. Not only was I able to work in a genre that was directly related to my life (and professional background), I also found a work-from-home job that offered me flexibility. What was hard (at first) was having a regular babysitter for the first time. I was lucky to have family members help me out with my first daughter, so finding a babysitter was quite foreign as well as the emotions that went with leaving a three-month old baby.  But after almost two years with her  she has become a part of our family and gives me the peace of mind to know that my girls were with an incredibly caring and professional person. Finding good help is crucial and it really allowed me to do both. Also, I work in a rare industry where I can make my own schedule to bring the kids to classes or school or enjoy time at the park. I wouldn’t trade those moments but it also means that I work most nights, but what has helped me is to stick to a daily plan and prioritize what I have to do in a given day. Having this kind of schedule also helped me get organized quickly!

YP2:  If you work from home, do something “on the side,” or have started your own business, please share how & when you find the time to nurture that business. Did becoming a mom have anything to do with this career choice?

SN:  While I work for Momtrends, I also have my soup blog that I try to work on once a week. I also love to write plays. This part has been extremely challenging – especially faced with my busy day with the kids and work. What I try to do is to work on my own thing at least 20 minutes a day. Sometimes it works and other times, I can barely manage to stay awake. It is a constant juggling act to try to get everything together – from the kids’ lunches to making dinner to work to my life responsibilities that really means that I have to be organized and not be afraid to ask for help.

YP2:  How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?

SN:  I’m still working on that! I think it wasn’t  until after the first year where I felt like I had a good grasp on the many balls in my court. What I have realized is that it is crucial to be organized – whether that is being on top of grocery shopping or school activities – so I keep a family calendar listing all that we have going on.  I also think it is key to ask for help and now I am better at telling my husband that I need to do things for me – whether it is work or an occasional night out. Staying connected as a woman to my interests and friends is also key to feeling focused as a mom.

YP2:  So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?

SN:  In a way, I do feel more stressed but I also feel more confident as a parent and my life with my two little girls and now as a family of four is the complete joy of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

We are excited to feature our latest inspirational mom of two Beth Vande, from Chicago. Even with a son and daughter less than two years apart, Beth and her husband have found a way to embrace the happy chaos in their lives and take it all in stride!

YP2:  Please introduce us to your kids:

BV:  Olivia is 3 ½.  She is spunky, sensitive and studious.  Olivia loves puzzles, preschool and dancing.  When she grows up she wants to be a rock star, engineer and harpist.  Thomas is 22 months.  Thomas is curious, mischievous and charming.  Though he doesn’t say much, his sense of humor and countless expressions keep us laughing. 

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different? What has been the most surprising thing about that for you?  The most challenging?

BV:  Olivia has always been cautious and follows the rules.   Thomas, on the other hand, is a rebel.  He’s more concerned about exploring the world around him than dealing with the consequences.  My husband and I believe birth order helped to shape their personalities.  When Olivia was our only child, we had time to focus on her every move.  When Thomas came along, we didn’t have the luxury to do that—our attention was split between our two children and instead of having our undivided attention, he had the chance to discover the world around him a little more independently. 

YP2:  How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling? 

BV:  Olivia is a natural big sister.  She was 20 months old when Thomas was born.  From the day we brought her brother home, she was our little helper.  My husband and I made her feel like she was responsible for her little brother too.  She helped to entertain him when he was fussy, threw his dirty diapers in the garbage when I finished changing him and always wanted to share her toys with him.  We’ve taught Olivia and Thomas that your brother and sister are your best friends and they truly enjoy each others’ company (except when they both want the iPad!)

YP2:  What do you think is the most challenging thing about having kids less than two years apart?  The best thing?

The best part about having two close in age–they entertain each other!  There is always someone to play tag with, to help with a puzzle and of course, to annoy . Seeing them form a brother/sister bond melts my heart.

YP2:  Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid?  Your baby?  Your partner? Yourself?

BV:  Olivia and I have “girl time.”  This could be when Thomas and my husband are downstairs playing or when Thomas is napping.  During this time we do special mommy/daughter activities—it could be something as simple as baking banana bread, sitting with her at the table when she’s coloring, cuddling on the couch with her when she is watching her favorite t.v. show.  We take advantage of the little moments and one-on-one time to show her she is special to us.

Thomas and I have our time when Olivia is in preschool.  (To be honest, most of the time his sister is gone he misses her and is asking “Where sissy go?”)  During our mommy/son time, we attend music class, get a smoothie, or even run an errand.  Just being alone together is special, since it doesn’t happen too often!

My husband and I spend a majority of our quality time with our children—with two children less than two years apart, we don’t have the luxury to spend too much time to spend alone together.  But when we do have a second alone, we take time to do the things together that we enjoyed pre-baby—wine tasting, movies or even something as lame as going to the mall.  It’s the few hours away from your children that strengthen our bond and make us realize we are still fun together!

My best investment in myself is my gym membership.  Thomas and Olivia love the daycare and I have an hour a day to burn off energy (and fat!) while taking time off from being a mommy. 

YP2:  If you work from home, do something “on the side,” or have started your own business, please share how & when you find the time to nurture that business. Did becoming a mom have anything to do with this career choice?

BV:  Other than being a mommy, I’m a part-time nonprofit professional.  Luckily, my hours are very flexible so I’m able to focus on my career when my children are napping or spending quality time with my husband.  I look forward to going to work because I am able to reconnect with my “old self.”  My husband is also very supportive of my position when I need to go to the office.  He happily takes charge of the home and will admit watching two toddlers is a lot of work when I’m not around to help!

YP2:  How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?

BV:  For us, the transition to two was much easier than the transition to one.  We were already prepared for life post baby and Thomas just fit into our family effortlessly.

YP2:  How did you seek support after #2?  Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?

BV:  I have a wonderful group of mom friends who are able to answer questions, give advice or just listen when I need to vent.  Friends that are at the same stages of life that you are know what you’re facing and are the best resource I’ve found!

YP2:  So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?

BV:  I’m lucky because I’m married to a wonderful husband.  He is super-dad and a wonderful co-parent.  He is calm, fun, and truly enjoys spending time with the family we’ve created.  Even though he works 50-60hour work weeks, he comes home and wants to spend time with Thomas and Olivia.  It’s how he unwinds from a stressful week.  While he’s spending time with the kids, I’m able to have a few moments to myself.  For me, twice blessed doesn’t really mean more stressed because I have an amazing partner in crime.

YP2:  Any final thoughts about being a mom of two? 

BV: Don’t over think it!  My husband and I try to take parenting one moment at a time—always taking time to laugh and what is thrown our direction.  Yes, life has changed, but it won’t be like this forever.  Enjoy it. 

We’re honored that Preema Lewis of Austin, TX was able to share her words of wisdom about becoming a second time mom. Read on to learn more about how her whole family adjusted when baby Maya arrived.

YP2:  Please introduce us to your kids.
PL:  Josh is my spirited little three year old.  He’s got a huge personality and is a lot of fun to be around. Our baby girl Maya just turned 5 months. She’s a very quiet and content baby who’s full of smiles these days.

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different?  What has been the most surprising thing about that for you?  The most challenging?
PL:  My kids couldn’t be more different. Josh is a super-energetic, mischievous, always on-the-go kinda kid.  He’s a busy boy, always running around, jumping and getting into stuff.  Quiet moments around him are few and far between.  If and when he’s quiet, it’s a clear sign that he’s doing something he’s not supposed to do!   On the flip side, he has a great sense of humor and says/does the funniest things that keep us laughing.  He’s also very affectionate and loves helping around the house.

Maya is still very little and her personality is just starting to blossom. So far, she’s been quite the opposite. She’s calm, laid-back and very easy to soothe. She’s a very delicate girl and needs a lot of gentle handling.  She’s very content sitting back and observing people around her (especially her brother).  She’s just started cooing and babbling lately and we can tell that the girl likes to talk. She has a lot to say J

YP2:  How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?
PL:  When we first found out that we were expecting Maya, we were very nervous about how Josh would take to her. Because of his spirited personality, we imagined that it would be hard for him to welcome a sibling.

I spoke to a lot of friends who were moms of two and everyone suggested that we start preparing him for the baby from the get go in order to help smooth the transition. We took their advice to heart and made sure that Josh felt included in welcoming the baby. He went to the big scans with us, we read books together (his favorite are “On Mother’s Lap” and “Are You My Mother?”), he helped setup baby’s stuff and even picked out some toys and books of his that he would share with the baby.  We also spent a lot of time looking at pics from when he was a baby and talking about the events leading up to baby’s birth and how the baby was going to come live with us.

On the day she was born, Josh came to visit me in the hospital.  The minute he laid his eyes on her- he said “My baby sister is here” and started jumping for joy. It was pretty much love at first sight!!  He was so thrilled to meet her and would not stop talking about her. He embraced the role of “big brother” right away.

Once we came home, he wanted to be included in everything we did for her. We allowed him to help with baths, diaper changes and feeds when appropriate.  It meant that things just took a bit longer, but it was so nice to have his participation in the day-to-day stuff. Of course, we do have moments when he bothers her, but that’s typical toddler behavior. Nothing out of the ordinary. He loves his baby sister and we couldn’t be happier with the way he transitioned to being a big brother. He is the proudest big brother Maya could ever ask for!

YP2:  Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid?  Your baby?  Your partner? Yourself?
PL:  Maya- I typically spend the evenings with Maya right after she comes home from daycare feeding her, playing on the mat with her (Josh joins us too), bathing her and getting her ready for bed.  Now that she’s beginning to interact with us, it’s fun watching her smile and hear her coo in response to what we say. David is an early riser and typically spends the mornings with Maya and Josh.

Josh- I always do story time with Josh right before he goes to bed. It’s a time we treasure and it’s something I continue to do every day no matter how crazy my day has been. This is one activity I kept up with even while I was in the hospital recovering from the birth.  Now that he’s older and more vocal, we’ll talk about his day, read some books and snuggle together. David plays ball with Josh in the evenings and takes him swimming. That’s their special time together.

Us- David and I don’t go out on dates often. But we do try and find some quality time to connect every day.  We love watching our favorite TV shows together after the kids are in bed or just chatting about our day. On weekends, we sometimes rent a movie and enjoy it with some good takeout and wine. We hope to get better at doing more date nights or spending time out with friends. That’s still a work in progress. Hopefully we can do more of this once Maya gets a little older.

Me- This is probably an area I struggle with the most. Any free time that I have gets sucked up into doing stuff around the house.  Over time I have become more mindful of letting things go and taking time out for myself.  I find watching mindless reality TV very relaxing and try to catch some of my favorite shows on demand after everyone is in bed.  I also love chatting with my close friends and family over skype or on the phone.

YP2:  Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging than it was after your first?  Was it easier?  Any words of wisdom here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the workplace after baby #2?
PL:  Overall, going back to work after baby #2 was a breeze. I learned a lot from my past mistakes and worked on a plan to ensure that I’d be able to have a better work-life balance this time.  After my first maternity leave, I had overextended myself between work, grad school and home and ended up getting burnt out in the process. This time, I ensured that my workload was realistic and also changed my schedule to ensure I could get home earlier in the evenings and get dinner ready before the kids got home. This way I am able to focus on the kids after they get home as opposed to scrambling around.

I was also fortunate to have some good advice from other moms that really helped me out. Two things that had been recommended to me which I’d recommend in return-

1)    Do at a dry run of getting out of the house by whatever hour you’ll need to get into work at least for 2 weeks before you start back at work.
A mommy friend of mine gave me this fabulous advice and it made things so much easier.  Two weeks leading up to the start at daycare, I practiced getting Maya fed and out of the door by 8.45AM. We’d just go out and do grocery runs / hang out at the Mall or drop off Josh at daycare. This helped me get back into the swing of things and got Maya accustomed to getting out of the house and being in a car seat on a daily basis. I had also got her on a basic routine and that really helped with her transition.  Once she started daycare, her naptimes and feed times pretty much stayed the same, she only had to get accustomed to the new place/faces.

2)    Start out Slow
The last time around, I went back to work full-time on a Monday and that was also Josh’s first day at daycare. That really didn’t go well for us and I was very stressed out at work. This time around, I started Maya in daycare 3 days before I went back to work.  I dropped her off for half a day the first day and slowly increased the hours over the week.  I resumed working on a Thursday and worked shorter hours on Thursday and Friday. Maya  was well adjusted to daycare by the end of the first week and this helped ease some of my anxiety as well.

YP2:  How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?
PL: This is a constant work in progress. For the most part, I felt some semblance of being back in the groove about 4 weeks after I had come home from the hospital.  By then I had recovered from the birth and had figured out a routine that worked for us a family. It took me another month to fine-tune it.  After the third month, Maya started daycare and I had to re-establish a schedule that worked for all of us. We’ve been able to stick with the same schedule since then.  But we’ve had to make some tweaks for major milestones like potty training, starting solids etc. So for now, I think we’re in a good place, but we’ll need to find our new normal as we hit new milestones or changes along the way.

YP2:  How did you seek support after #2?  Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?

PL:  Last time around, we had help for the first few months from family. This time, we were on our own. David was able to take the first two weeks off and having him around was just priceless.   It really helped me focus on my recovery during the first few days and helped us bond together as a family.

Once David was back at work, we hired a mother’s helper to help come in a few days a week to help with chores around the house –especially laundry.  We did this for 3 weeks and it was one of the best decisions ever.
I’m very fortunate that I have a good network of friends who supported us through the whole pregnancy.  I found conversations with other second time moms to be very informative. I just had to vent about anything that was bothering me and just like that, I‘d have so many ideas and suggestions from other moms that helped immensely. Our family although remote was also a big source of support and encouragement.  I found the frequent calls and Skype sessions very uplifting.

YP2: So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?
PL:  I won’t lie- having two kids is definitely a lot of work and you have episodes of insanity every now and then.  There are days when both kids are pining for your attention or both kids are having a meltdown at the same time. Days like that are crazy and make you want to pull your hair out.  But the rest of the time, things are definitely manageable and fun.
There are definitely more ups than downs. I also feel like the frequency and intensity of meltdowns decrease with time. For Example, when Maya was just born, there’d be so many episodes when I was feeding her and Josh would decide that he wanted something to eat at the same time. He’d end up throwing a tantrum which in turn used to upset Maya and before I knew it, I’d have two screaming kids. Over time, I’ve learned that a little bit of planning goes a long way. I now know to give him a snack or an activity to keep him occupied while I’m feeding her. So things are definitely getting easier.
Apart from the general stress of finding a work-life balance and juggling a family of young kids, having two kids is definitely a blessing. It’s much fun to watch your kids interact and develop a relationship. It’s great to see how much they adore each other and it’s always nice to have more kids to love.

YP2: Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?
PL:  Going from one to two was definitely a lot easier than I anticipated. Now that I have two kids, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. I love having two kids- makes for a fuller house and more fun times.

Meet Janet C of New Jersey.  Janet juggles being a mom to two youngins while also working part time as a senior associate at a big NYC law firm (which is why she needs to remain a little anonymous…no picture, but trust me, her son and daughter are delicious!)  Janet shares her candid account of adjusting to being a second time momma below.  Enjoy!

YP2:  Please introduce us to your kids:

JC:  A is 4 ½ and G is 2.

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different?  What has been the most surprising thing about that for you?  The most challenging?

JC:   So different!  My oldest is cautious about anything new, whether it be a sport, a game, or a type of food.  That has its obvious challenges – I always feel like I’m forcing him to stretch to meet his potential.  My daughter is adventurous and bold.  I have to be careful about what I eat/drink around her because she always wants to try some!  I do find it nice that A’s cautious attitude extends to looking out for his little sister, particularly when they are out of the house and among the rest of the world.  I would say that having a little girl with a personality like G’s is a constant challenge.  While I don’t want to squelch her individuality, I also want her to have a sense of her own (physical) limitations.  She’s below 5% percentile in height and weight, but she is not afraid to scold or lay the smackdown on a kid two or three times her size.  And it is SO hard to strike a balance with discipline for her, because she is already a master manipulator, with those big brown eyes!

YP2:  How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?

JC:   I can’t remember a time when A acted out against G after she was born.  Perhaps I’m looking back at that time through rose-colored glasses, but I remember him always being super-sweet to her as a newborn.  He really loved having a tiny baby in the house, and the hardest thing was keeping my then-2 year old from picking up the baby when I wasn’t there to help, or squeezing her too hard.  Even now, they get along pretty well in my opinion.  They constantly hug and kiss.  A always introduces his little sister to people, even random kids at the mall.  But I do find that he needs his one-on-one time as well.  His behavior is a lot better if he feels like he’s gotten some special time with me or his dad.

YP2:  Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid?  Your baby?  Your partner? Yourself?

JC:  I do have some “forced” alone time with G because A is in preschool in the mornings, and I work from home two days a week.  We do music class, or run errands, but I do treasure that time because I think she’s my last baby and she is growing up so fast!  I make a point to have some alone time with A on weekends.  Every Saturday, my husband takes G to swimming at the same time as I take A to taekwondo.  I thought at first that this would be really hectic, but it’s actually worked out really well, and I think the kids love that they can each count on getting one of us to themselves every Saturday morning.  Alone time with my husband is a challenge – we try to do date nights, but they are not regular because we don’t like hiring a sitter unless we have to.  So we sometimes go out for dinner when my parents come to visit on weekends.  Quality time for myself?  What’s that?  In all seriousness, my alone time is during my commute to work, when I play on my phone, do Facebook, etc.  This is pretty hard on me, and it wouldn’t work for everyone, but I’m not great at setting boundaries with my kids when I am able to spend time with them.  I recognize that they are small now, and later on I don’t think I will regret being there for them as much as possible.  There will always be time for massages and pedicures when they are older!

YP2:  Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging than it was after your first?  Was it easier?  Any words of wisdom here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the workplace after baby #2?

JC:  It was harder after #2 in some ways because I had such a wonderful maternity leave the second time around.  My first child was a November baby, so I was housebound for most of my 5+ month maternity leave.  #2 was born in May, and I was out and about with both kids very early on.  I enjoyed a whole summer with them before going back, and it was hard to say goodbye to that special time.  But, for reasons outside of my control, it was also easier because the economy was different and I was a lot less busy at work than I was after I went back from my first maternity leave.  I would tell other moms that if possible, try to transition back slowly.  It’s hard enough to leave one baby behind at home, but it’s even harder when there are two, and the older one has an opinion about it!  I do have a lot of talks with my kids about why my husband and I work, and how it pays for all the things we have (like our house), and all the fun things we can do together (like vacations).  The oldest is starting to understand that now.

YP2:  If you work from home, do something “on the side,” or have started your own business, please share how & when you find the time to nurture that business. Did becoming a mom have anything to do with this career choice?

JC:  I started working on a reduced schedule before my kids were born, and my schedule was further “downsized” because of the economic slowdown.  My work schedule, however, is unpredictable in that I often have to take calls, respond to requests, etc. on my days “off” when I am home with the kids.  It is hard because neither of them is a great napper.  Half the time it works out ok, the other half I end up rescheduling my work commitments or (now that they are older) leaving them in the playroom in front of the TV for short amounts of time while I get work done in the office downstairs.  When it’s really busy at work, I often have to work through the night while everyone else is asleep.  It’s a constant juggling act, but the benefits of having a job far outweigh the burdens.  I learned this the hard way after my husband was laid off in 2009.  He did get back on his feet eventually, but it took several months, and we really needed my income to maintain our lifestyle.

YP2:  How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?

JC:  Not really there yet!  Just when I thought I was back in the groove after #1, I found out I was pregnant!  Now that I’m a couple of years older, I find that getting back to where I was physically is so much harder.  I also find that I struggle at times to find things to talk about that don’t involve my children!  This is probably because I don’t have a lot of time to spend with my girlfriends so my social life tends to revolve around my kids.  But that makes girls nights that much more fun when I am actually able to go!

YP2:  How did you seek support after #2?  Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?

JC:  I probably should have sought some support but when I was in the thick of things it was hard to see that.  I did rely a lot on family, friends, and even parenting blogs for miscellaneous advice.  I found that I relied a lot less on books the second time around.  Who has time to sit down and read?

YP2:  So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?

JC:  Yes, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my family.  There were times when I doubted myself, which caused me a lot of stress, but now I’m fairly comfortable in my skin as a parent and I realize that there’s no one right way to do things that works for everyone.  I’m pretty in awe of my kids, and can’t believe how lucky I am that they are mine!  I think they take advantage of me sometimes because I am such a softie for them!

YP2:  Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?

JC:  Enjoy it!  They are only little for a short amount of time.  Don’t turn the small everyday struggles into big ones – have faith that they will take the next step when they are good and ready (whether it be weaning or potty training or learning to ride a bike).

YP2:  Please introduce us to your kids:

EC:  I am the mother of two beautiful boys, Sebastian and Preston.  Sebastian is my curious, observant and very empathetic three and a half year old.  Preston, my smiley nine month old is social, adventurous and easy going.

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different?  What has been the most surprising thing about that for you?  The most challenging?

EC:  They couldn’t be more different!  Where Sebastian is observant and purposeful, Preston is uninhibited and spontaneous.  Both are determined little boys, but in different ways.  I think how much they are different really shocked my husband and I.  We certainly weren’t expecting two carbon copies, but when we were told we were having a second boy, we foolishly thought to ourselves, “Oh, we’ve got this!  We’ve done this before!  Something familiar!  Lather-rinse-repeat!”  Heh! The joke was on us, though it has been a complete joy to watch their uniqueness unfold.  And while it’s challenging from a parenting perspective because you really do have to find what works best for them individually (putting the parenting universal truths aside), discovering these little individuals is a pretty awesome gift.

YP2: How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?

EC: My husband and I were expecting some challenges as Sebastian adjusted to life with a sibling.  We were pleasantly surprised when Sebi seemed to take it in stride – he has always been the adaptable sort.  We did what we could to make sure as much of his routine stayed consistent and be mindful of any changes we were asking of him.  It just so happened that the birth of Preston occurred around the time Sebastian could have started potty training, transitioned to a big boy bed and make a class change at preschool.  And while we didn’t want to hold him back, Robert and I felt strongly that it was too much to ask of him all at once.  So we delayed all of those milestones for three months or longer after Preston was born or until we felt Sebastian was really ready to take them on.  We also spent time talking about the honor of being a big brother and helping him understand his new role in the family.  Lastly, we got him plugged into Preston’s routine as quickly as possible so he felt he had a purpose in his sibling’s life.  Who knows if the preparatory work we did helped, or if we have Sebastian’s adaptable nature to thank for the ease of transition.  Either way, we feel pretty fortunate that the adjustment wasn’t as hard as we initially thought it would be.

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid?  Your baby?  Your partner? Yourself?

EC:  This was the biggest challenge for our family.  I found that while I was reveling in the time I spent with Preston, I was really missing Sebastian.  So much of what I used to do for Sebi had fallen onto Robert’s shoulders (who so wonderfully picked up the charge).  And the small but meaningful parts of our routine (reading books at night and talking about our day) was no longer mine to have with him, which was really difficult.  I think what helped turn that around was to voice my sadness over the situation and ask for Robert’s help to ensure he got bonding time with Preston and I got some special time with Sebastian.  It took a few iterations to figure out timing but we’ve settled into a great routine.

One rule we made for ourselves as parents is to unplug from work the minute we get home until the boys go to bed.   With few exceptions, we’ve managed to stay present in the precious hours we get with them every day and it’s made a world of difference.  As far as finding time to remain connected as partners, I cannot tell you how nice it is to have a regular date night scheduled.  One of the things we’ve been doing lately is hire our babysitter and head out for a night of great food and wine.  And while we love to chat about our children, this is really meant as ‘us’ time so to discourage the conversation from always heading into kid land, we bring a tool like “Table Topics” (Couples) that provoke discussion.  It seems silly and premeditated, but we’ve loved those dates and It’s amazing what we’ve found out about one another.

Admittedly, the last frontier to be tackled is finding ‘me’ time.  It’s not easy.  And I think I speak for many moms when I say it has a lot to do with attempting to be the super mom we feel we need to be.  Being mindful of how I’m actually feeling has been a small but positive step in the right direction.  I’ve been able to communicate to Robert that I feel like I need to break away for some me time and he is always willing to step up and make that happen.  Scaling back at work, knowing it may impact my career trajectory has also been something I struggled with recently, but I’m much happier and balanced as a result.  Still working on it. J

YP2: Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging than it was after your first?  Was it easier?  Any words of wisdom here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the workplace after baby #2?

EC:  For me, it was more difficult.  I had taken on a bigger role just before I left on maternity leave and while returning to work after having a baby was something I had experienced before, the new level of intensity in my career and the sheer logistics of getting two little ones fed, dressed and moving in the morning really took me by surprise.  So much of what I had experienced after having Preston and leading up to my return to work was actually turning out to be a much easier transition than the first time.  So I just assumed this next milestone would be par for the course.  Not so much!  But I’m two months in and already feeling like I’ve made some adjustments and its working better.

I’ve had to get really candid with myself in this area.  As women, many of us are lucky to have more options than we ever dreamed of having a generation or two ago.  However, having options doesn’t mean you must commit to all of them.  And a big part of me has always wanted to try it all.  I’ve had to learn to pick and choose what works best for me and my family at this juncture.  As our needs and dynamics change, I will have to adjust again and try something new.  Taking on more than I can chew makes everyone miserable.

YP2: How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2? 

EC: I don’t feel like I’m there yet.  And while it’s a constant juggling act with a lot of pressure sprinkled in for good measure, one of the blessing of a second child is knowing that this chaotic time is transitory.  So I’m doing my best to stay present and embracing the chaos because the payoff you get in these tender, tiny moments are fleeting as well.

YP2:  How did you seek support after #2?  Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?

EC: Friends, especially those with two or more children, have been such a lifeline!  I find I don’t have to apologize for the fact that my undivided attention in adult conversations come in 20 second intervals, that there is no judgment passed when they walk into my tornado of a home, and they are a never ending source of seasoned advice.  We also have my family nearby and my mother will drop anything to come spend time with her grandchildren.  She has been a complete blessing for all of us. As far as literature, websites and other resources – You Plus 2, of course!  Other than that, I haven’t got any resources that are specific to a two child home.

YP2: So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?

EC: Not really.  It’s a different type of stress.  So much of what was new the first time around is no longer unknown territory.  And you’ll encounter new things along the way.  I just think after having regained some semblance of autonomy after the first, heading back into the newborn/infancy stage can be a bit of an adjustment again.  But change and adjustment is the requirement of family, isn’t it?  I will say, traveling will never be the same.  Perhaps that’s where ‘more stressed’ applies. J

Meet Cynthia Stauffer, a new mom of two who lives in Minneapolis.  Cindy recently went back to work after baby #2 and is learning to balance her new life as a second time mom.

YP2:  Are your kid’s personalities similar or different?  What has been the most surprising thing about that for you? The most challenging?

CS: Annika is only 5 months old, but right away we could tell her personality was different than Adrian’s. Adrian was fussier and wanted to move from the get-go. Annika is more content and easier to soothe. Having had a more difficult baby first, I was prepared to have another, so I’ve been pleasantly surprised that we have an easy
second baby. I’m loving it! A lot of people say it’s because the parents are more laid back the second time around, but I really think it’s just their personalities.

YP2: How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?

CS: Adrian was over 4 years old when Annika was born, so our experience may be different than when they are closer in age. At first, Adrian really didn’t even pay attention to the baby. He had things to do! He would ask to hold her every few days and that was it. We had to remind him a lot to be aware of his body and movement around her and he didn’t love that. And because he was 4, we would depend on the fact he could do lots of things for himself, and I think that put some strain on him. Now that she’s a bit older and can respond to him and
smile, he loves interacting with her. He’s always hugging her and talking to her. On the whole, he’s adjusted well.

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time
with your Big Kid? Your baby? Your partner? Yourself?

CS: I still lay down with Adrian at night until he goes to sleep.
Sometimes the baby is with us (and was often in the early days), but
usually now it’s just him and me. It’s nice time together because we
can cuddle and we have nice conversations at that time of day because
this active 4 year old is worn out and still for probably the first
time all day! Outside of that, we’ve taken walks together when as the
weather gets nicer. And when we just fit it one-on-one time when we
can. If his preschool is closed, we try to have either my husband or
I take work off and hang out with him. Or it could be as simple as me
taking him to the grocery store with me and leaving the baby home with
dad.

Weekdays are hard to get a lot of quality time in with Annika. She’s
super happy in the morning so we both try to chat and cuddle with her
a bit each morning. By night, she’s tired and goes to sleep early,
but I let her sleep on me for at least a little while each night.
She’s still sleeping with me ot in a cradle next to me at night, too,
so our nighttime is still a big component of our quality time. Since
I get so much time with her between nursing and sleeping, I try to
remember to hand her off to my husband when she’s happy, so he gets
some time in, too.

I wish my husband and I had more quality time together, but right now
we squeeze in minutes of it where we can. We may just watch tv on the
couch together or chat for a few minutes before going to bed. We have
family with an hour or two, so we do send Adrian with grandparents
from time to time for a night or weekend. Those weekends seem to be
one of the few times we can really have an extended conversation and
reconnect. Annika is still young enough that she can tagalong and we
can still enjoy our dinner and chat.

YP2: Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging
than it was after your first? Was it easier? Any words of wisdom
here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the
workplace after baby #2?

CS: Everything has been easier the second time around, so far, including
going back to work. I had all the logistics worked out this time, and
it was far less emotional this time as well. The first time I was
figuring out how to adjust to motherhood in general. I remember
feeling overwhelmed, trying to sort out how to balance this giant new
role of “mom” with all my other roles in life. I felt like I wasn’t
doing any of those roles justice. This time around, I’m “over”
that…I just don’t have time to sweat it! And I have my son as an
example to me that children can certainly thrive being taken care of
by someone other than their mother, so I don’t have that worry hanging
over me like I did the first time. I have pushed my husband to do
more this time, which has helped. I drop off and pick up our son at
school and he drops off and picks up our daughter at daycare. That
helps immensely. The hardest thing to navigate so far with two kids
and two working parents has been handling impromptu sick days.
Usually, one of us finds a way to be home with the sick child, but a
couple of times, neither one of us could do it, so we got a family
member to help out (thank god!). I’ve heard some parents just take
turns, so that might be something we implement, just to keep it fair.

YP2: How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove”
after baby #2?

CS: We have a new groove that’s been working…when my daughter was about
3.5 months old and I’d been back to work for about a month, we found
our “new normal.” I suspect it will remain fairly easy for just a bit
longer until my daughter becomes mobile. Life will change when we
need to follow around an 8-18 month old constantly! I am guessing
that the more permanent groove will develop after that young toddler
phase is done.

YP2: How did you seek support after #2? Any great resources, literature,
websites, etc. that you care to share?

CS: I learned so much online with my first child, so I pretty much used
the same resources. Kellymom for breastfeeding, livejournal for a
loving community of friends/mothers. One thing I did do that I loved
was a local second time mom’s group (at Amma Maternity) I signed up
with low expectations figuring it would be nice to have something to
get us out of the house while I was on maternity leave. But it was
more than I expected. I’d forgotten a lot from 4 years ago when my
son was young, so it was a good refresher. But also, because all
babies are different and I’m a different mom now, I still needed some
education. Mostly, it was just nice to have a support group of women
all in the same boat…adjusting to our new life with two. We joked
about it, but I do think we each had a week where we cried…it was
nice to have a “safe place” to do that when you’re in those
vulnerable, hormonal early weeks.

YP2:  So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?

CS: I’m not sure if it’s because my kids are 4 years apart or because I
was “broken in” by my more difficult first child, but so far having
two is much easier than I expected! I hear many moms say going from
one to two is the biggest change, but having my first was much more
stressful for me. As much as I love my son, I think we never quite
got into the blissful groove that some first time moms do…by the
time he got “easy” and less fussy, I was settled back into work and I
won’t even tell you how old he was before he slept through the night!
I wonder if working outside the home changes things a bit, too. When
I’m not working, yes, things are more hectic, but I spend a bulk of
the day at work without either child. If I were staying at home, I’m
guessing life would’ve changed more dramatically going from one child
to two.

Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?

I am loving our family of four and it is so, so fun the second time
around. I feel so much better at it all and am relaxing and enjoying
every minute I can. I just have more…perspective…this time. It’s
been pretty easy so far, but I have to say I definitely admire those
who manage three or more! Rockstars!

Meet Chana Balk, a busy and motivated mom of two from Brooklyn, NY. A former litigator, Chana now runs two Brooklyn based businesses – Move It Momma, personal training and fitness classes tailored to moms and their lifestyles, and the Brooklyn chapter of Baby Bites Brooklyn, a company that hosts social and educational events for moms including luncheons, facilitated support groups, sample classes, seminars and more. In addition, she manages to get healthful dinners on the table most nights for her boys, Ben and Leo, and her husband, Ted. When she is not busy playing with her kids, training clients, cooking, exercising, blogging, planning events, supporting local moms, and being a doting wife, she is asleep.

YP2: Please introduce us to your kids
CB: I have two boys – short haired, handsome, caring, seriously smart and sensitive Ben is 6; long-haired, adorable, easy-going, mischievous, fun loving and also smart Leo is 4.

YP2: Are your kid’s personalities similar or different? What has been the most surprising thing about that for you? The most challenging?
CB: They are very different personalities. Ben is shy in many situations, less comfortable socially, very exact and methodical, my little scientist/engineer. Ben will be the perfect husband and boyfriend. Leo’s my free spirit, comfortable with everyone, a real performer and trickster. Though he is more inclined to snuggle with mommy, I suspect he will be a bit of a player when it comes to the ladies. ☺

YP2: How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?
CB: Yes, now, he’s adjusted. It was a very difficult first year after Leo’s birth. Ben was just two years old when his little brother arrived, and while the two year separation is amazing now (they truly are best friends and do so much together), until Ben turned 3, it was very challenging. I remember intercepting many trains being thrown by Ben in Leo’s direction. It was so bad at times that I often told friends that I was the president of the “I love my baby, I hate my toddler club” when Ben was 2.5 and Leo was 6m.

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid? Your baby? Your partner? Yourself?
CB: I think its great to find time to spend with each child individually, and it is definitely important to have that quality time with your bigger kid when the 2nd child first arrives. Essentially, you should try to ignore your #2 when he/she is a baby, and focus all your energies on your #1. ☺ I did not do enough of that when my #2 arrived, and I think that was part of why my #1 had such a difficult time.
I will also add here that especially after #2 arrives, it is crucial to take time for you and your spouse and time for yourself as well. I tell moms all the time that having a 2nd child is really hard on a marriage as now the balance has shifted and both parents are more “on” than ever before. This leads to less “me time” for both mom and dad. Accept and anticipate that it will be hard at the beginning, and try to get back to date nights (even if they are on the couch watching episodes of Modern Family) as soon as possible. Same goes for mommy time. One mom and 2 kids means less time for mom to take care of mom. You heard it here – take that time, mom! Go to a yoga class. Go have dinner with friends. Do something so that you are not only “[Ben and Leo’s] mom.” Again, this taking time for your self will not happen right away, but should happen as soon as possible, and should happen until they leave for college.

YP2: Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging that it was after your first? Was it easier?
CB: Going back to work after #2 was in certain ways less stressful than returning after #1 because I knew from doing it previously that it would all end up ok, and that I was leaving him with my (at the time) beloved nanny. That being said, I think many moms who (like I was) are already questioning their work situations when they are pregnant with their second child, often make big career changes after #2 arrives. I know many moms who changed their career or left their career after #2 came along. I highly recommend it!

YP2: If you work from home, do something “on the side,” or have started your own business, please share how & when you find the time to nurture that business. Did becoming a mom have anything to do with this career choice?
CB: Like most other women, motherhood was the most transformative experience of my life. As a mom of two, it was increasingly more difficult to put in long hours at a law firm, where I had been for 10 years and where I had essentially been doing work that I never liked to do. When the opportunity to do something related to motherhood – and something that would allow me to be home with my kids — presented itself, I jumped. I have been running Babybites Brooklyn for 3 years now. We host events for moms in Brooklyn and provide resources and support to moms. In addition, after working for Babybites and seeing that running a business was a much better fit for my lifestyle and personality, I started my own business called Move It Momma, which offers fitness programs specifically designed for moms. Running my businesses is absolutely more challenging and fulfilling than being a lawyer was, and it’s a constant balancing act when you work out of your home and are also the primary caregiver and manager of the household. It is a lot of work, but I wouldn’t trade it back for my previous corporate gig, notwithstanding the paycheck I gave up. ☺

YP2: How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?
CN: It took about a year, I would say. That is when my boys started to become playmates, and it became increasingly easier from that point forward.

YP2: How did you seek support after #2? Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?
CB: For the transition from 1 to 2, I say get as much support and help from friends and family as possible because the first several months are definitely hard. As for resources, the Park Slope Parents website contains a few pages of advice from local moms about easing the transition. One tip I remember off the top of my head is to have the baby bring home a toy for his big sibling. Of course, this works better for a 2 yr. old than a 4 yr old. I suppose with an older sibling, they can simply be told that they are getting a special gift in honor of becoming a big sibling. Again, focus as much of your energies on that #1. #2’s just hang out in their bouncy seat, poop, nurse and sleep … and usually as a result of not having ALL that attention focused on them from day 1, they turn into much more laid back kids (more laid back, that is, than the attention-seeking #1 who had the video camera on him from the moment he exited mommy’s womb).
Of course, I must also recommend that 2nd time moms find a 2nd time moms support system. Joining a 1st time moms group is less ideal because you are not focused on the same issues as 1st time moms — while 1st time moms want to talk about nursing and sleep, 2nd time moms want to talk about their #1’s (and nursing and sleep). It really is unbelievable that when you have your 2nd child, and a grandparent or someone takes your #1 out for a few hours, being left to care for only your #2 feels like a vacation! Every 2nd time parent says to themselves “how was this so hard the first time?” Of course, it is so hard (the first time), and this different perspective on caring for your newborn baby highlights how different 1st time mommyhood is from 2nd time mommyhood. Connecting with other 2nd time moms who are going through all the same things you are going through is very helpful during those first few months. If you live in Brooklyn, I happen to know of a great group you can join, led by a wonderful facilitator. Wink wink. (That would be Rachel of You Plus 2!)

YP2: So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?
CB: At the beginning . . . yes. Now, having two often makes life easier because they are best friends and do so much together. When your older child sits down to read a book to your younger child, that is bliss, and you and your husband can go take a nap. Of course, there are also fights, and with two boys, things get pretty physical, but for the most part, having two does not necessarily mean having more stress.

YP2: Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?
CB: Its awesome. #2’s are amazing. Watch out, once the hard part passes, you might just wish for a #3.

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Meet Rachel Tefft, a social worker, avid long distance runner and a busy stay at home mom to two young daughters. Originally from the West Coast, Rachel now lives in Brunswick, Maine.

YP2: Please introduce us to your kids
RT: Molly is almost 4 and extremely strong willed. She is emotional like her mama and stubborn like her daddy. She loves dancing, soccer, playing outside, Sesame Street, cats, writing her name, and dessert. She’s very into tracing letters and adding and subtracting. Oh, and talking nonstop from dawn until dusk.
Isla just turned 2 and is a typical second child. Much more laid back and easygoing. She’s also more of a risk taker than her sister. She adores dogs and mama’s milk and cheese. She would jump up and down on my bed all day long if I’d let her and would also run around naked all day too. She loves to snuggle and is also a very good singer and can sing sparkling renditions of the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

YP2: Are your kid’s personalities similar or different?
RT: It’s interesting how their physical stature has been a bit in line with their personalities. Molly was slightly bigger than Isla at birth and was more of a chubby baby. Didn’t crawl very much before she walked. She’s always been more emotional than her sister and had a more difficult time with change. Is more needy and demanding of attention, although this may also have to do with the fact that she’s 3.

Isla walked a lot earlier and has always been a tiny, robust girl. Typical of a second child she’s used to getting pushed around by her big sister and has become more tough because of it. She’s been physically tough since before she was born, came into this world via VBAC, eyes wide open and no crying. She’s always been more of a “go with the flow” baby than her sister. I think to some extent Isla enjoys being bossed around by Molly and that’s really the norm for her. It’s almost like she never has to think of something to do when Molly is around because Molly is always telling her what to do. (“Isla, let’s go put on our tutus and play fairy ballerinas!” And then Isla will say “okay” and excitedly run to the dress up box.)

What’s been surprising for me about their difference in personalities is how I can relate to both of them. I see SO much of myself in Molly. I’m also a first born so I can relate to so much of what she’s going through. And at the same time, Isla is my baby and I feel very protective of her, yet she can really hold her own and surprises me with how resilient she is in most situations. I think it’s SO important to put myself in Molly’s shoes as often as possible and really let her know that she’s important too and that I can hear her. The more empathetic I am with her, the better she is with her sister.

I’ve also been surprised by how much more intense my love for my two girls is when I see how much they love each other. Isla idolizes Molly and Molly loves “my baby Isla” and always must kiss her goodnight and give her hugs.

YP2: How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?
RT: It is hard to imagine Molly without Isla. I remember a time when I was so scared of how our lives were going to change, adding a second baby to the mix. I was afraid of how it would affect Molly. I see now that a sister was one of the best gifts we could give her. She adores her “Isla Baby” and has from the beginning. Sure, it’s not always sunshine and flowers. Molly is very bossy with Isla and will take toys, books, etc. away from her the second Isla shows interest in something. At the beginning, Molly LOVED holding the baby and didn’t really seem threatened by Isla. Once Isla started crawling though, that’s when Molly got defensive. I remember laughing so hard when Molly would scream and cry and madly collect all her worldly possessions when Isla entered a room so that she wouldn’t steal them. But for the most part, they are best friends.

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid? Your baby? Your partner? Yourself?
RT: Molly: I read books with her before her rest time and put her to bed after her daddy reads books at night. Sometimes on weekends I’ll leave Isla with my husband and take Molly to run errands with me.

Isla: I am still nursing her so that gives us some good snuggle time in bed in the mornings. While Molly is at preschool, Isla and I hang out whether it be at music class or at the grocery store.

My husband: After the kids are in bed we watch TV together. Once a week his parents watch the kids and we go running together. We do a date night once a month or so but we’re trying to go out more often.

Myself: I go for a run, take a yoga class, or take a glorious trip to Target all by myself – when my husband is able to watch the kids. After the kids go down for nap I eat my lunch in peace, check email, relax, sometimes take a little nap. Even if it’s just 15 minutes laying on the couch with my feet up, it really energizes me and helps me get through the rest of the day.

YP2: How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?
RT: I would say that I’ve never gotten back into my groove. I created a whole new groove altogether. I will say that things started getting a lot easier after Isla was 3 or 4 months old. The first three months were absolutely the hardest for me.

YP2: How did you seek support after #2? Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?
RT: http://powerofmoms.com/store/m-o-m/ (This is a mom version of the “Get Things Done” system by David Allen. GTD has saved me since having 2 kids. I don’t know what I’d do without it.)

http://www.babybunching.com/ (Good website for tips on life with young children who are very close in age.)

http://www.jetwithkids.com/ (We travel a lot to visit my family out west so this is a very valuable resource)

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/ (I like reading the comments on this blog.)

YP2: So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?
RT: Definitely. But you also get all the benefits of having two children. Like the aforementioned precious moments when my girls give each other hugs. Or today in the car when I heard Molly say “I love you.” I thought she was talking to me so I said “I love you too.” And she says “No, Mama, I was talking to my Isla Baby.”

YP2: Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?
RT: It’s the most challenging and exhausting job I’ve ever had, but also the most rewarding.

YP2: Please introduce us to your kids
ER: My husband Chris and I have two sons: Jack is 3.5 and Chase is 18 months. They are 26 months apart.

YP2: Are your kid’s personalities similar or different? What has been the most surprising thing about that for you? The most challenging?
ER: They seem to have very similar personalities, though Jack tends to be the more cautious older brother while Chase is the more daring, adventurous little brother!

YP2: How has your Big Kid adjusted to having a little sibling?
ER: During the infant stage, there really was no sibling rivalry. Sometimes I wanted to knock on wood because that was one of my biggest fears. Jack stepped right up and has been a great, protective big brother. When I was pregnant we read almost every “I’m a Big Brother” book we could find, just to prepare him that a new baby was coming to live with us, it would cry, it would wear diapers, and so on.

Now that they are 3.5 and 18 months, I can honestly say they are best friends and it is absolutely awesome to watch them play together!

YP2: Can you share with us one way that you are able to find quality time with your Big Kid? Your baby? Your partner? Yourself?
ER: Quality time, what’s that? Well, when the baby was an infant, I would make a special point of telling my older son, “When he is napping, we are going to have special time, just the two of us.” Even if it was just helping with dinner, or folding laundry, or reading a book, my older one liked knowing that he was going to get “special time” at some point in the day with just mommy.

YP2: Was going back to work after your second baby any more challenging than it was after your first? Was it easier? Any words of wisdom here that you’d like to share for moms who are headed back to the workplace after baby #2?
ER: It was more challenging, but my situation was unique in that I transitioned from a full-time role into a consultant role. It took several months to find a balance that worked for our family. Learning to say “no” to projects I could not do – and didn’t want to do — helped tremendously. New moms of two only have so many hours each day — ask for help wherever possible and be realistic about how much you can keep on your plate each day with work. Also, make sure you have babysitting or daycare for both kids figured out ahead of time, as this will ease the transition back to work.

YP2: If you work from home, do something “on the side,” or have started your own business, please share how & when you find the time to nurture that business. Did becoming a mom have anything to do with this career choice?
ER: I work as a consultant to help businesses find their footing in the online marketplace. I do have occasional on-site strategy meetings with clients, but this part-time schedule lets me spend the majority of time with my kids. I love my work, and it is a good balance, but it took several months to find a “new normal” as a family of four.

YP2: How long do you think it took you to get “back in to your groove” after baby #2?
ER: Oh, my! Well, this is a constant work in progress! I definitely felt a lot better once the new baby started to sleep through the night, so probably 6 months? Overall, little breaks are essential to my sanity. I love pedicures, facials, or massages, but I also like browsing in a bookstore for a couple of hours. Babies are hard work and anyone would get burnt out without admitting they need a break from time to time.

YP2: How did you seek support after #2? Any great resources, literature, websites, etc. that you care to share?
ER: It’s been so long, but here are five things that helped the first few months with a second baby:
*First, I’d be remiss to not mention my fantastic, hands-on husband. He was great about getting up with the baby in the middle of the night and also encouraging me to take little breaks now and then.
*Second, I had to learn to say no. In the first few weeks and months at home with a toddler and newborn, I was feeling really burnt out and exhausted trying to do too much all the time. Having two kids isn’t rocket science, but it was about finding what worked for our family. I learned that it’s ok to be a little selfish with our time — there are only so many hours in the day and it’s ok to decline invites that interfere with naps! Little people need sleep – and so do tired mamas! Before you know it, getting “out and about” will be second nature, but it definitely took me time to develop that confidence and figure out a new routine that put my kids’ needs first.
*Third, if people ask how they can help, ask for a meal! My parents were a great support system with our older son, and they brought lots of food. Also, my moms’ group is wonderful and has a meal-delivery program for new mamas. So we didn’t cook the first two weeks after the baby was born! It was a lifesaver to know that my toddler and husband had something to eat at night and I didn’t have to worry about pulling out a pot or pan, or wash any dishes.
*Fourth, invest in a good double stroller! The boys are just 26 months apart, so it was essential for us to have something I could use for exercise, fresh air, walks to the park, and weekend trips. Save up gift cards to purchase one, or even look on Craigslist for gently used models at a big discount.
*Fifth, and finally, outsource whatever you can. If you can afford a cleaning lady, hire one temporarily. If you can afford takeout dinners for a few weeks, give your husband a stack of menus and tell him to pick up the meals on his way home from work. This is not the time to crack the spine on a fancy new cookbook – it’s ok to eat mac-n-cheese five nights in a row if that’s easiest. Any little thing that can help you focus on the most important job in those first few weeks, which is settling in to life with a toddler and baby, is worth it. Everything else can wait, just treasure your new baby and the special/crazy time of learning to juggle two.

YP2: So…do you think Twice Blessed really does mean More Stressed?
ER: Honestly? No. It’s just a new level of busy – some days it seems like I never sit down! Yet I actually feel more confident the second time around, and therefore, more balanced and happy. For me, personally, it was easier going from 1 kid to 2 kids than it was going from no kids to 1 kid. It was a huge, huge shift learning how to be a parent almost four years ago, and this second time around, my husband and I both feel like old pros.

One thing that has helped me tremendously is having very low expectations. It may sound silly but it’s true. On Sunday I loosely plan what our week will look like: work, preschool, camp, appointments, and so on. Then I usually fill in the blanks with one simple activity or errand we could do in any free time. If we get to it, great. If we stay home in our pajamas instead but had fun, that’s ok too. We are actually on the go quite a bit and have memberships at local museums and are always trying something new with friends. But we had to learn that, for us, doing activities in the morning is best, then we come home for afternoon naps. Whenever that feels mundane to me, I remember that this period is very temporary – this nap, nap, nap structure can be tedious – but my boys really do thrive on routine and structure.

YP2: Any final thoughts about being a mom of two?
ER: I love it and really do feel so much more confident the second time around. It’s a joy watching my sons grow up together and be best friends. A wonderful quote that gets me through the inevitable — but rare — tough days is this: “The days are long but the years are short.” So true and so bittersweet.